I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
