I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
