good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
