Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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