Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
