am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
