5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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