All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
