I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
this hospital has no fireball
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
