I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
this will be a night to untag.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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