I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
