I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize