So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
