Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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