so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
