I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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