is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
