Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
