Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
