Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
