So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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