the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
