everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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