I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
