Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
