I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
