So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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