My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
