Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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