dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
