More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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