We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
