Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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