You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
