Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
