Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
