3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
