I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
