are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
