so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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