someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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