i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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