I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
