First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
