I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize