i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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