Where is the hickey?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize