I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
