Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
