We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
