I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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