You just made me feel so damn special
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
