On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i will never coherently bang her
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
