Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
