I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
