i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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