got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
