No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
