Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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