SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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