I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize