As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
